NFL WEEK TWO RECAP: First of all, yes, I know the Monday Night Football game hasn’t happened yet. But it’s just Atlanta and Philly, so whatever. It doesn’t really affect us. Anyway, here’s what happened in the NFL this weekend…

• Despite Caleb Williams being “unleashed,” the Texans (2-0) won an ugly-ass game against both the Bears and the refs. We ended up with seven sacks, two interceptions (shoulda been three), and 36 pressures, 17 of which came from Will Anderson and Danielle Hunter. Ka’imi Fairbairn is proving he’s EAF, not in the sarcastic Joe Flacco way, but in the “makes hitting 50+ yard field goals look easy” way.
• The Cowgirls got demolished by the Saints, and Dak proved he does not deserve that big contract.
• The Clots (0-2) lost to the Packers. Richardson was shitty and threw three picks, and they also gave up 261 rushing yards.
• The Jags (0-2) lost to the Browns, although Watson and Lawrence were both mediocre-to-bad, with no TDs or INTs for either guy.
• The BESFs (0-2) lost to the Jets. Will Levis is the personification of “meh” and is likely destined to be a career backup.
• Ugh… stupid Bungles! Why couldn’t you seal the deal against the Chiefs? I really want the media “three-peat” narrative to die.
• The Vikings are actually looking legit this year. Next week is gonna be tough.
• The Rams and the Ravens, both playoff teams last season, are now both 0-2. It’s still early, but that’s interesting.
• Bryce Young is so bad that it’s not even funny anymore. It’s just sad.