Crazy Stories of the Texans’ 2023 Season:
C.J. Stroud’s first ever NFL pass is a completion to himself.

It’s April Fool’s Day, so… like… remember to fact-check shit. We all know sports Twitter is gonna be insufferable.

And now, today’s Forgotten Texans Draft Pick…

MARTINAS RANKIN:
The Houston Texans selected Mississippi State OT Martinas Rankin with their third-round pick (80th overall) in the 2018 NFL draft. In an instance of dark irony, the pick we used to draft Rankin was acquired in the trade that sent perennial Pro-Bowler Duane Brown to the Seahawks. Rankin injured his foot during training camp, although he ended up playing in all 16 games (with four starts) his rookie year. Prior to the 2019 season, the Texans traded Rankin to the Chiefs for RB Carlos Hyde. The majority of his two year stint with the Chiefs was spent on IR, and he was finally waived on June 17, 2021. He now runs 7Four Trench Academy, teaching fundamentals to young offensive linemen.

And now, today’s Forgotten Texans Draft Pick…

BRAXTON MILLER:
The Houston Texans selected Ohio State QB/WR Braxton Miller with their third-round pick (85th overall) in the 2016 NFL draft. He was theoretically considered sort of a “Swiss Army knife” type player due to his versatility and athleticism, and he began the season as our #3 receiver behind DeAndre Hopkins and Will Fuller. However, he was rarely utilized (he and Bill O’Brien famously did not get along) and his stats were pretty pedestrian, with only 15 receptions on 29 targets, and then he broke his shoulder toward the end of the year. His next season was similarly mediocre, and he was waived by the Texans on September 1, 2018. Miller had short stints with the Eagles, Browns, and Panthers, but never played another NFL snap. Now that he’s retired, he runs The Braxton Miller Foundation, which puts on STEM and sports camps for kids.

And now, today’s Forgotten Texans Draft Pick…

SAM MONTGOMERY:
The Houston Texans selected LSU DE Sam Montgomery with their third-round pick (95th overall) in the 2013 NFL draft. However, before he ever had a chance to take the field, Montgomery was cut by the Texans (along with RB Cierre Wood and LB Willie Jefferson) for allegedly smoking pot while at the team hotel in Kansas City. The following game ended up being our fifth consecutive loss in a season where we went 2-14, leading to us parting ways with both Matt Schaub and Gary Kubiak. Montgomery briefly signed with the Raiders and the Bengals, but he never played a single snap in his exceedingly short NFL career. He then tried for a career in the CFL, but he never played a single snap for them either.

And now, today’s Forgotten Texans Draft Pick…

KEVIN JOHNSON:
The Houston Texans selected Wake Forest CB Kevin Johnson with their first-round pick (16th overall) in the 2015 NFL draft. He was selected just ahead of DE Arik Armstead and CB Marcus Peters, which is pretty hilarious in retrospect. Johnson had a promising rookie campaign as our third CB behind Johnathan Joseph and Kareem Jackson, but then he broke his foot in the 2016 season leading to the emergence of A.J. Bouye. Johnson got injured again in 2017, missing several games with a sprained MCL, and in 2018 he went on IR with a concussion. After the Texans released him on March 5, 2019, he bounced around with a few other teams until finally retiring on June 4, 2021.

In honor of Tolkien Reading Day, here’s the original trailer for The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King.