Happy weekend, ya bunch of degenerates! Pregame Thread drops at 11:00am, first Game Thread at 3:15pm.

THE RAVENS
by Poe Fo Sho

Once upon a season dreary, Texans fans were growing weary,
After years of loss and failure, the games were such a bore.
Success was far beyond our reach, so we all coped by drinking bleach;
Then we heard one gently rapping, rapping at the stadium door.
“’Tis our new quarterback,” Cal muttered, “tapping at the stadium door,
He’ll lead us to something more.”

Ah, distinctly we remember, it was Baltimore in mid-September
When Stroud played his first NFL game with our talented rookie core.
Eagerly we sought victory, but alas, our joy was not to be,
Our lack of a strong running game made it oh so hard to score.
Indeed, we could not finish drives and it was hard to score.
But then quoth Stroud, “Nevermore!”

Quickly we turned things around, no more sadness to be found,
With our quarterback doing things no rookie had ever done before;
Then Captain ‘Meco joined the fun: “On to the playoffs, we have won!”
He shouted as we beat the Colts, and the fans let out a roar.
And then we fully crushed the Browns, ah, the fans let out a roar!
“Don’t stop now,” DeMeco said, “We want more.”

Now the Ravens, they are sitting (though after practice, some were shitting),
Waiting once again for gameday in the town of Baltimore.
And C.J.’s eyes have all the seeming of a champion that is dreaming,
And the bright stadium lights o’er him throw his shadow on the floor;
With Nico, WAJ, and Sting beside him casting their shadows on the floor.
And we fans shall drink bleach—nevermore!

Only two more days until game day… only two more days until game day… only two more days until game day… only two more days until game day… only two more days until game day… only two more days until game day… only two more days until game day… only two more days until game day… only two more days until game day… only two more days until game day… only two more days until game day… only two more days until game day… only two more days until game day… only two more days until game day… only two more days until game day…

Have a happy National Benjamin Franklin Day, everyone!

Okay, let’s take a look at our first matchup with the Ravens way back on September 10, 2023.

In his first ever NFL game, C.J. Stroud was 28/44 for 242 yards, no TDs, and no INTs. However, I think we all feel confident that he will put up significantly better numbers than that this week. I mean… it’s not even a question, really. Dameon Pierce was still RB1 for us at this point, and he finished with only 38 yards rushing. But since switching to Devin Singletary, our rushing game has improved a great deal, so I think we can probably count on better numbers here as well. On the defensive side, we held Lamar Jackson to only 155 yard passing, 38 yards rushing, no TDs, and 1 INT. We also sacked him four times. And since then, our LB tandem of Christian Harris and Blake Cashman has become a force to be reckoned with, WAJ has proven why we traded up to draft him, and Derek Stingley is playing like an All-Pro. Bottom line? We can win this fuckin’ game.

Meanwhile, everyone in Houston right now…