WARNING: Today is Black Friday. Do not go shopping. Do not leave your homes. Eat leftovers, put up your Christmas decorations, and avoid the insane mobs of lunatics getting into fistfights at Wal-Mart over cheap televisions. Don’t worry… it’s gonna be okay.

Well, today is the 60th anniversary of the JFK assassination. Obviously there’s still a lot of bonkers conspiracy theories about who “really” shot him; however, anyone who has seen the opening credits of Zack Snyder’s Watchmen knows that the real killer was Edward Blake, a.k.a. the Comedian, as played (brilliantly) by Jeffrey Dean Morgan. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

Happy National Dennis Day to all those who celebrate.