Hey guys! What day is it today?

Happy World Hypnotism Day, everyone! You are getting sleepy… sleeeeeeeepy…

What’s on your wish list for the draft this year? We’re already got the two marquee positions — quarterback and edge rusher — locked up, so what positions do you think Nick and DeMeco should target? I’d say coverage linebacker, interior lineman, another deep threat receiver, a legit backup quarterback, a tight end who can actually block, and maybe another running back.

As we enter 2024, here are a few things to be thankful for:

• C.J. Stroud is our motherf***in’ quarterback.
• DeMeco Ryans is our motherf***in’ coach.
• Will Anderson, Jr. is the motherf***in’ Terminator.
• No matter what happens on Saturday, the Texans are guaranteed a winning record.
• After three garbage seasons, the Texans are one win away from the playoffs.
• The BESFs will 100% be at home crying into their fake Oilers jerseys.
• For the third year in a row, Alabama will NOT win the CFB Championship.
• The Roughnecks are coming back in March.
• Deadpool 3 comes out this summer.
• Oh, and remember when a lot of people said that trading DeAndre Hopkins to the Cardinals for the corpse of David Johnson was one of the worst trades of all time? Well, I think the Browns trading for Deshaun Watson may have taken that title.

Happy New Year! I’d like to give a big shout-out to the Texans’ defensive line, who finished the game yesterday with six sacks (two by Will Anderson, who just came back from injury), eight TFLs, 12 QB hits, a forced fumble, a scoop-and-score, and only gave up 53 total rush yards.

Hey guys… C.J. Stroud is our starting quarterback this Sunday.

On this date in 1846, the U.S. admitted Iowa as the 29th state.

My dad’s side of the family is Polish (my grandma is 100%), and when I was growing up, every year on Christmas Eve we would gather for the traditional Polish celebration of Wigilia. The evening begins with the sharing of opłatek, which is a thin wafer much like Catholics use for communion. You go to every person individually, each of you breaks off and eats a piece of the other’s wafer, and you wish each other good luck in the new year. After that the meal begins, with courses of borscht (served on top of mashed potatoes with onions), sauerkraut stewed with short ribs, challah bread, pierogi with sour cream, and a whole slew of desserts. My dad’s family lives in Dallas, so when I was young, we would drive up there for Christmas Eve, then drive home in the middle of the night so we could open presents and whatnot on Christmas morning. But after I got married and had kids, that hectic schedule was off the table. Until this year, I hadn’t been with my dad’s family for Wigilia for probably 15 years.

Well, most of y’all know that I got remarried this summer, and (under our respective custody arrangements) neither my wife nor I had our kids for Christmas this year. So we drove up to Dallas. It was the first time I’ve been able to celebrate Polish Christmas Eve with my dad, my grandma, and my uncles, aunts, and cousins in ages. So needless to say, this was a great Christmas.

P.S. – Someone brought a box of Polish chocolate covered cherries, and they were extremely alcoholic. Like… they tasted like chocolate, cherries, and kerosene. I’m telling y’all, it must have been pure rubbing alcohol. Definitely cleared my sinuses.

Once again, here are the current AFC South standings…

Jaguars: 8-7-0
Colts: 8-7-0
Texans: 8-7-0
Titans: 5-10-0

As ridiculous as it sounds, we’re still in this thing. We’ve got games left against the lowly BESFs and the Clots, and both are very winnable (especially since we should — knock on wood — have C.J. back this week). Regardless, even if we just win one of two and miss the playoffs, we’d still finish the season with a winning record, which is something that pretty much no one expected. And after finishing 4-12, 4-13, and 3-13-1 over the previous three seasons, I’d say that’s really damn impressive. DeMeco deserves to win Coach of the Year.