First of all, today is 3-23-2023, which means… something? It’s almost a palindrome, so that seems kinda neat. Beyond that, I think it’s safe to say that Nick “Beaker” Caserio and Cap’n Meco are having a pretty damn solid offseason thus far. We’ve signed enough vets to positions of need that (aside from QB for our first pick) we can go BPA throughout the upcoming draft. So we got that goin’ for us… which is nice.

HWÆT: WE GARDENA IN GEARDAGUM
þeodcyninga þrym gefrunon.
Hu ða æþelingas ellen fremedon!
Oft Scyld Scefing sceaþena þreatum
monegum mægþum meodosetla ofteah,
egsode eorl, syððan ærest wearð
feasceaft funden. He þæs frofre gebad,
weox under wolcnum, weorðmyndum þah,
oð þæt him æghwylc þara ymbsittendra
ofer hronrade hyran scolde,
gomban gyldan. Þæt wæs god cyning.
Ðæm eafera wæs æfter cenned,
geong in geardum, þone God sende
folce to frofre. Fyrenðearfe ongeat.
Þæt hie ær drugon aldorlease
lange hwile. Him þæs Liffrea,
wuldres wealdend, woroldare forgeaf.

Happy Woden’s Day, everyone!

The big news from yesterday is that we made three pretty major signings at positions of need: RB Devin Singletary, TE Dalton Schultz, and C Michael Deiter. So now, with the exception of maybe LB and pass rusher, we should be able to go BPA in the draft after we get our QB at 1-2.

The big news of the weekend is that Tunsil got his extension and Cooks finally got traded. I realize some people are dissatisfied with the return we got for Cooks, but personally, I’m just happy that both of these deals are done. We no longer have to worry about LT (possibly the second most important position on the team) for the next few years, and that malcontented Easteby-fluffer is finally out of the locker room. Now I’m just waiting for us to give Tytus an extension as well, and to maybe find a FA center and/or tight end. Onward and upward!

Saturday night’s alright for fighting.

The Texans literally did nothing yesterday, and we still had 150+ comments… ha ha, I love this place.

The Roughnecks suffered their first loss in franchise history last night, but the final few minutes were exciting as hell.

I’ll be gone for much of the day today. It’s the last day of Spring Break for my kids, and I’m taking off work to hang out with them a bit — maybe play some mini golf, see the new Shazam movie… we’ll see. And then tonight I have to take my oldest to a Boy Scout overnight thing. But I’ll check in sometime in the afternoon just in case something crazy happens and we need an overflow thread.

Well, it looks like Nick and DeMeco wanna beef up the defense. We’ve already made the below transactions, and beyond that, LB Denzel Perryman is visiting, and we’ve shown interest in LB Mack Wilson, who apparently just closed on a home in Houston.

• DT Sheldon Rankins (signed)
• DB Tavierre Thomas (retained)
• DE Chase Winovich (signed)
• S Jimmie Ward (signed)
• DT Hassan Ridgeway (signed)
• DE Derek Rivers (retained)

The Roughnecks game is super late tonight (9:30pm CST), so the game thread drops at 9:00pm.

Uh oh, guess what day it is? Guess what day it is! Huh, anybody? Julie, guess what day it is. Aww, come on! I know you can hear me! Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike! What day is it, Mike? Leslie, guess what day it is! HUMP DAY! Whoot Whoot!

Okay guys, today is Pi Day. And that means it’s time for my annual argument that cheesecake is actually pie. I mean, cheesecake shares far more similarities with pie than with cake. Since when does cake have a crust? And the custard-like filling? Yeah, that’s a pie in my book.

At the time this thread was posted, the Texans had reportedly signed the following free agents:

• TE/FB Andrew Beck
• QB Case Keenum
• DE Chase Winovich
• RB Mike Boone

Nothing sexy. Veteran depth and scheme fit guys.

Beyond that, looks like Laremy Tunsil is not getting traded to the Chiefs, Aaron Rodgers maybe got traded to the Jets (LOL), and Jimmy G signed with the Raiders, so we can finally stop hearing all the endlessly incessant “Jimmy G to Houston” speculation.