Saturday night’s alright for fighting.

The Texans literally did nothing yesterday, and we still had 150+ comments… ha ha, I love this place.

The Roughnecks suffered their first loss in franchise history last night, but the final few minutes were exciting as hell.

I’ll be gone for much of the day today. It’s the last day of Spring Break for my kids, and I’m taking off work to hang out with them a bit — maybe play some mini golf, see the new Shazam movie… we’ll see. And then tonight I have to take my oldest to a Boy Scout overnight thing. But I’ll check in sometime in the afternoon just in case something crazy happens and we need an overflow thread.

Well, it looks like Nick and DeMeco wanna beef up the defense. We’ve already made the below transactions, and beyond that, LB Denzel Perryman is visiting, and we’ve shown interest in LB Mack Wilson, who apparently just closed on a home in Houston.

• DT Sheldon Rankins (signed)
• DB Tavierre Thomas (retained)
• DE Chase Winovich (signed)
• S Jimmie Ward (signed)
• DT Hassan Ridgeway (signed)
• DE Derek Rivers (retained)

The Roughnecks game is super late tonight (9:30pm CST), so the game thread drops at 9:00pm.

Uh oh, guess what day it is? Guess what day it is! Huh, anybody? Julie, guess what day it is. Aww, come on! I know you can hear me! Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike! What day is it, Mike? Leslie, guess what day it is! HUMP DAY! Whoot Whoot!

Okay guys, today is Pi Day. And that means it’s time for my annual argument that cheesecake is actually pie. I mean, cheesecake shares far more similarities with pie than with cake. Since when does cake have a crust? And the custard-like filling? Yeah, that’s a pie in my book.

At the time this thread was posted, the Texans had reportedly signed the following free agents:

• TE/FB Andrew Beck
• QB Case Keenum
• DE Chase Winovich
• RB Mike Boone

Nothing sexy. Veteran depth and scheme fit guys.

Beyond that, looks like Laremy Tunsil is not getting traded to the Chiefs, Aaron Rodgers maybe got traded to the Jets (LOL), and Jimmy G signed with the Raiders, so we can finally stop hearing all the endlessly incessant “Jimmy G to Houston” speculation.

Multiple Choice: Why was this morning’s thread posted so late?

1. Josh was abducted by aliens and was only recently returned to Earth.
2. Josh posted late on purpose in order to teach us a valuable lesson about priorities in life.
3. Josh is being bullied by other Texans fan sites for his sheer level of awesomeness.
4. Josh was up late with his fiancée watching Ted Lasso and forgot.

Well folks, the dominos are beginning to fall. The big news items from yesterday were that 1) the Panthers traded up to get the #1 pick from the Bears, and it’s being reported that they want C.J. Stroud; and 2) the Texans signed veteran receiver Robert Woods to a two-deal deal. What will happen next? Who else will we sign? What evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows!

Well folks, it’s Friday, which means it’s time for… irresponsible speculation! So we just picked up quarterback E.J. Perry on waivers, who scored the highest overall athletic score in his class at the 2022 NFL Combine. With that kind of skillset for a third-stringer and/or a camp body, could this be a sign that the Texans intend to grab another athletic quarterback, i.e. drafting Anthony Richardson or trading for Lamar Jackson? Discuss!

I would just like to provide some elucidation regarding an incredibly obscure (and pretty humorous, I think) reference I made yesterday. In response to the suggestion that we dig up the corpse of Bud Adams and let Toro drive a four-wheeler over it at halftime, I replied: “Pope Formosus rec.” For those who don’t know, Pope Formosus is famous for something called the “Cadaver Synod,” an event in 897 AD when the new pope dug up his corpse, put him on trial for various crimes, found him guilty, and finally threw his body into a river. This has been your bizarre history lesson of the day. Oh, and speaking of weird things that happened at the Vatican during the Middle Ages, go read about the Banquet of Chestnuts.