I have three different Breaking News articles prepared: Bienemy, Eberflus, and Frazier. So it’ll be Caldwell or Frankie McToolbelt from Central Idaho of course. Hold me.
I think each of you should begin preparing your spouse or significant other, or Boyce tell your pet parakeet, just go ahead and sit them down or get close to the bird cage and explain to them that there’s no easy way to say this but…it’s just time to start stocking the nuclear bomb shelter with provisions and gather whatever books and board games you want to have for the next 25 years. There’s no way this ends well for any of us. I can see the flash of light in the far distance along the horizon. It’s…glorious.